Thursday, November 16, 2006

In which I explain why MI III is senseless

Mission Impossible is a good movie. It's plot oriented--there are intricate schemes, twists, deceptions, and tension.

Mission Impossible 2 is a pretty good movie. It's directed by John Woo, and it is good in an aesthetic rather than cerebral sense.

Mission Impossible 3 is something altogether different. SPOILER ALERT! If you wish to see the film, don't read further.

The focus of the movie is "the rabbit's foot," a weapon so powerful and destructive it is called "the anti-god."

In a big, twisty, convoluted plot, Agent Ethan Hunt is eventually forced to steal the rabbit's foot for a seller. This seller, however, is working for one of the IMF bosses. Here's his basic plan, in which all the overly-intricate and risky stuff that happens in the film leads to.
1. Get Ethan Hunt to steal the rabbit's foot.
2. Have the seller complete the transaction to a middle-east buyer.
3. Gather convincing intelligence on the transaction.
4. Use said evidence to justify a war with the middle-east buyer.
5. After the devestating war, do "what America does best," which is evidently create a nation's infrastructure. "Democracy wins."

Let's deal with the problems here.

1. In order to justify a war with an enemy, the IMF agent is PLACING THE MOST DANGEROUS WEAPON IN THE WORLD IN THE HANDS OF THE ENEMY. Think about that a second. He wants the U.S. to have convincing reason to GO TO WAR with an enemy, so he is conspiring to GIVE THAT ENEMY THE MOST POWERFUL WEAPON IN THE WORLD. Does this seem as silly to you as it does to me? Does that sound even reasonably safe.

2. Aren't there much less complicated ways to rig intelligence? Weren't less complicated methods of rigging intelligence used, just, you know, a few years ago? Do you actually have to have a needlessly complex scheme to set up the enemies and fix the intelligence? Muchless actually GIVING THE ENEMY THE POWERFUL WEAPON?

3. Uh, building infrastructure is what America does best? Nation-building is our best feature? Do I need to link to any news stories about Iraq to suggest the absurdity of this reason?

That was fun.


  1. Worst movie I've seen all month. That puts it even beneath Benchwarmers in quality.

  2. Let's not go saying things we can't take back!

  3. This month, we also watched "A.I." There's no way "MI3" is worse than "A.I."

  4. It's like comparing rancid apples to rancis oranges. They are slightly different in appearance and smell, but they are both rotton fruits.